Seeking Understanding

Losing someone close to you is never easy. It is worse when it happens suddenly and to someone who is far too young.  I lost my best friend growing up this week. He was my twin brother in every way but genetically. We could go years without seeing each other and get together and find out that our interests had developed exactly the same way. We had the same quarks and love for trying new things. He was the smarter/taller/moral/spiritual one and I was the shorter/hyper/creative/rebellious one. When I found out on Monday that he had passed I had no reaction, no because I didn’t care but because my mind could not comprehend it.

I flew out to Salt Lake City to attend the funeral and be with his family, I am after all the unofficial third son. I knew that there was going to be a lot of sadness, but what I found was a family that had been brought closer together by a tragedy.  Instead of asking “God, why on earth would you let this happen” they turned to their faith and sought comfort from their father in Heaven.  I understand that to many this may seem like a simple fantasy for people who can’t handle reality. That turning to a God that allows bad things to happen is the height of naiveté.  If I may get a little more religious for a moment

“ 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.” D&C 122: 7

I know what you’re thinking “seems like a heck of a way to give someone experience” and “even if there is a God, why would we need to experience these types of things? To what purpose do they serve?” Frankly I had very similar questions until recently.  In the case of my friend, his death was not “caused” by God, there was no lightening or fire from heaven, but rather it was caused by his and other people’s decisions as well some the random happenings that are part of living in this world. But on the other hand Heavenly father did allow him to return home. I sincerely doubt it was simply because God wanted to teach his family a lesson, rather I think the Lord made use of this tragic occurrence to teach both my friend’s family and myself some important lessons about life and what is important. While sitting and talking with my friend’s mom and sisters they made it very, VERY clear to me that my friends passing had reinforced the importance of family in a way they could never forget.  The youngest talked about all the things that are going on at school (she is a high school sophomore) that she thought were important. She now realizes how truly unimportant they really are.

I learned as well.  I learned the importance of keeping in contact with those you are closes with (something I am not very good at), and the kind of family I want to have when I am a father someday. I am convinced that my friends family was able to pull together so well because they had already built strong family ties before. They had made God a priority in their family and when the hard times came each of them already knew they could rely on each other and the lord. I want that for my family someday. I want to have the comfort of knowing that no matter what happens, my family will be close enough to each other and the Lord so that they can pull through it together.

This all being said, I don’t any of us who wouldn’t trade these lessons in for having Mike back. While we learn for these experience, that does not lesson the pain of them.

I helped carry his casket from the hearse to the grave. As I placed my boutonniere on top of the casket reality began to sink in. there was comfort as well in knowing that he had fought the good fight, he had stayed the course, and now he has been received into the bosom of the Father. Relationships are eternal. We are brothers now and forever.